watching hot guy on train scrolling with his blackberry's track ball... o to be that track ball...
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
i'm pretty sure i saw my life flash before my eyes when we ran a red light. i continued to drink and be the drunk backseat driver.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
Randomize
