people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
You need to get here now. A drunk girl just stumbled into our apartment. shes laying on the floor by our door.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Preparing for thanksgiving at home now by chugging bourbon. Less than a month to train!
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
I asked him if we were going to get arrested for doing it in the bar parking lot. "Absolutly not" said the guy getting the blow job...
"They let me see the x-ray. My nose is broken. I saw it. It was cool. Well, I guess it would be cooler if it wasn't my nose."
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
On a scale of 1-10 I’m at biblical violence
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
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