in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
He didn't seem too mad about the puke on the side of his car. You still have a chance.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
We have moved from phase 1: honeymoon, to phase 2: trapped in relationship until the cold embrace of death
STOP SENDING ME NAKED PICTURES WHEN I'M TRYING TO TEACH. MONDAY TUESDAY 1-3 IS A DICK AND ARSE FREE ZONE
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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