it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
Randomize
