What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
They both invited me to family dinner Sunday. Secretly dating two sisters just got real.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
Sorry I couldn't reference you in my facebook quote. I will redirect any likes and comments straight to my blowjob efforts this week.
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
If I ever drink whiskey again make sure I don't eat the plastic cups that I'm drinking them from.
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
to be fair i didnt know she wanted to sleep with me
WHY THE FUCK ELSE WOULD SHE DRAG A STRAIGT MAN INTO A VICTORIA'S SECRET CHANGEROOM GODDAMMIT
Randomize