You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
She can't even plan ahead to have toilet paper for her next shit
OKAY THAT'S CREEPY AND I'D PROBABLY ACCIDENTLY ORGASM
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
im about to bake her parents a "thank you for making such beautiful babies, ive had sex with all 5 of them" cake
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
Randomize
