OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Last time Jon threw a party I woke up on my porch, no shirt but 4 bras on, and "make better life choices" written on my stomach in sharpie
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
At first it will make you think "how is this physically possible?" and then it will ruin an entire food group for you.
It took me longer to jump start my car and get to his house than the fucking actually took.....
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
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