I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
You got Broadway Drunk, dude. I haven't heard you sing "Music Of The Night" like that since the last time I was holding you up on the way to the subway at two in the morning.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
