He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
She's on her period. You don't know what fear is.
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
Randomize