someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
About to go out with the girl of my dreams tonight. I am looking at one of her hottest fb pics, to practice not looking at her huge tits.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
Wait. We seriously played strip beer pong at the bar last night. Who said I never came up with good ideas
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
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