Hot guy, man whore rep, huge crush, alcohol that will fuck you up. I fail to see how this could go wrong
im going to have to ask you to stop vomiting stars, rainbows, and butterflies all over your facebook statuses...
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
So... i mean if they do have cameras in his apartment buildings pool room atleast we gave them a little show.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I didn't budget in chasers this month so were chasing everything with water. Sorry.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I need a costume for that party. Even if I'm just taking it off.
So, my love of dick may have landed me in a cult. On the bright side, I now have a discount at Spencer's.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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