i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
Hne relally is a cite oerfect gome. Nes awddddddddooooome.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
Dinner was cheetos vodka and whiskey. This is what happens when even your booty call breaks up with you.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I remember eating bacon bits off your chest that night... I'll never look at bacon pizza the same way
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
Randomize
