Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
Is it bad that I had sex with another guy on my boyfriend's bed while he's out of town?
Just flip the mattress, it erases all
Done and done
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
Nothing like cleaning dried puke off your floor to make you feel like you've failed as an adult.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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