Kirsten Dunst is sitting next to me in a bar in NYC
Tell her I want my money back for Elizabethtown.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
You know I think I am ok with him not moving in yet. He came over, fixed my closet, ate me out, and left. I'm now in sweats drinking coke and rum and watching new girl. This works for me.
I'm suffering a hangover from deep within. I feel like the half of the parts of my body are permanently laced with alcoholic substances
I am the murdurer of this scooby doo episode
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
