I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Tequila shots with cinnamon and orange write it down before I forget
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
She kept crying and asking why I couldn't look more like Dennis quaid.
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
being a senior sucks, I just started embracing my inner slutty college girl, and it's almost time to put her away...for like, ever. and i really like her.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
Randomize
