she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
Well, I turned down sex again. This is guy #5 in the past 2 weeks. My vagina is going to seek emancipation.
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
Randomize
