he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
No. Please No. At first it was cool when you started bring an extra girl home for me but after 2 cycles of clap medicine I'm putting an end to it.
I need a DD tuesday morning around 9 AM
I'm scared to ask why.....
1st bikini wax. Jose Cuervo is helping me prepare.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
She drunkenly dropped her ranch for her pizza. She tried to clean it up with her hands off the street then realized it didn't work and started licking her fingers.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
jump out the window naked night went bad
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
Randomize
