You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He asked if I wanted a dutch rudder. 1.) Who says that? 2.) How exactly does one do that with a girl?
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Ohhhh sweet! I may be down for that. I'll be a german beer girl probably passed out on a park bench somewhere.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
I still don’t believe you, the dog DID NOT tear down the shower curtain and shit on the floor.. we found you in the fetal position in the bathroom holding your tequila gun. It was you!
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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