dude i woke up in a pile of chocolate chips. this has to stop happening
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
i've been lying on top of my bed for the past 20 minutes
i'm about to blow half an adderall though and try to rally
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
Some old bald man is a 100,000 dollar Audi sports car just revved his engine at me and held out his phone at me trying to get my number. I hate the valley.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
