She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
I'm puking to John Mayor, save me. Or at least change it to somethong beyyt
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I only got lap dances from the ugliest strippers, i couldnt stop myself from laughing the entire time.
I woke up this morning to find a stuffed animal submerged in the toilet. I'm not entirely sure if it was the cat or Kara.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
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