Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
Let the clothes fall where they may.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
You were up on table in a neon bra chanting "YOUR MOM" while drizzling vodka on your chest...
no wonder i woke up with my boobs stuck to my bra
Don't get yourself off tomorrow. We. Are. Having. Sex. That's that. Just dont do it.
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