How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
The parties out here are fucking awesome and I've got the grades to prove it.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
you said you were the change fairy and you kept throwing all of your quarters at me.
Randomize
