So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
this ms. usa coverage has sucessfully humbled every girl here. depressed fish in a leaky barrel. go!
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
Because its Monday... And I'm determined to just be drunk for the rest of the semester
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
He just said "I can't wait to penetrate you tomorrow" I sat in silence for a second...he attempted to save it by saying "I can't wait to enter you".
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize