So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
I don't remember anything but bad decisions last night
His cat just sat there and simultaneously bobbed his head up and down while I blew him
You know it's a pretty bad night when an injured penis is not the worst thing that happened to you. Fuck tequila
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
