the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
he took his pants off right in front of me then just stood there so i went for his boxers and he said he was waiting till marriage
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
Lol no. She's home safe. You forget she is too pretty to get arrested.
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I stirred my drink with a butcher knife. His roomate keeps giving me dirty looks
Like what do you want from me
My boobs are literally freaking out because I've been wearing a bra for more than three hours....I need to go out more...
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Randomize
