honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I wouldn't necessarily call it an addiction, more of a passion. I'm habitually passionate.
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
His parents know me as "the white shoed screamer"
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
