If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I just smoked by myself in my childhood bedroom, how happy does it seem I am to be home for Christmas?
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
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