why didn't you poke me back
Last night I went to an anything but cups party. I took a hummingbird feeder. It was a terrible decision.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
She drove all the way from Austin to have sex with me. I think it's a safe assumption my dick will have an easy life in college.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
if they didn't want us to do blow at uni, why would they make textbooks so smooth?
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