with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
took out my tampon, fucked him, and put a new one back in all before he realized I was on my period. beat that one bitch.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
I guess I just stopped wanting to rip his balls out and started being okay with him being alive. that's a typical feeling for exes right?
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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