its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
You're getting a blowjob this afternoon. This has been your morning public service announcement.
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
I'm at the perfect height to walk up to the corner of my mom's stove and rest my balls on it. Just thought you'd like to know they're warm.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
I think I pulled a boob muscle during phone sex
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
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