Blackberries need to come with a feature that disables texting to certain numbers after 2am based on content. liek disabling texting to 'dad' containng the words 'lets try to find more blow.'
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
Tell him that his phone is taped to the dog's stomach. Stop trying to call it because it makes him scared.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Where do you think your fantastically immense lady-boner for men in uniform comes from?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Randomize
