I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Well I'm half drunk in a green tutu at a chipotle. So pretty good parade.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
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