i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
Ya know, sometimes when he kisses me in public I want to scream "HE DRIVES A PORSCHE!" so people watching understand that I don't have low standards, I'm just very materialistic.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
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