I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
speaking of unleashing monsters, we need to get condoms
Well, emily woke up in Hoboken, cati woke up in jersey city, and i woke up in brooklyn....and our hotel room we rented in the city remained empty. Best birthday yet.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
