Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
omg i hate the new neighbors. why cant a bitch just be hungover in peace on a wednesday morning.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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