Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I wish I could save this moment forever and have sex with it regularly. Its just tht beautiful.
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
