she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
He stopped in the middle of us banging in order to check in for his Southwest flight.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
Randomize
