I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I cannot find my penis.
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?
When you wear a dress that resembles the shape and color of Kirby to a wedding, you get the attention you deserve.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
Randomize
