ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
how's this sound. You, me a box of pink franzia and a night full of possibilities in your basemen. I'll be me. You be you. And we'll see where it goes
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i knew you were okay when you wanted to eat in the ambulance
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
I take your giggles as a yes to operation McLaxitives?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Best thing I ever did was get a dog. She's like a living trip alarm to warn me of visitors while I'm masturbating.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
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