And we will make penis cookies and eat them suggestively
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
I fed him pizza in bed. I'm probably the best one night stand ever.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
So I sniffed too hard this morning before work and I THINK THE COCAINE JUST STARTED ROUND 2.
Randomize
