you're out of your mind
you look like daphne blake and he looks like fozzie bear
it's like he rubbed a lamp and wished you into existence
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
His wedding band got caught on my nipple ring and that's how I realized he was married
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
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