What are you talking about? And how drunk are you?
Both
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
He made the moves first, we made out...then we folded his laundry.
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
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