I'm not really sure actually. until I fell in love with a boy (which was just a few weeks ago) I thought my attraction to men was purely physical.
so you were gay...and then you realized you were EVEN MORE gay
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
Ya know, in a round about way coinstar is just a glorified vending machine for all my bad choices.
She told me she wanted to wax my ass. I'm terrified and oddly aroused.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
It's 6 am and I've spent the last few hours searching for a cork screw or suitable substitute. You had none. Incidentally, I finally opened this bottle of wine, but owe you a new meat sticky thing with those two prongs. Sobriety is not good for me. Or your utensils.
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
Randomize
