I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
I just faked an interview like I fake a fucking orgasm. Wonder if these candidates can tell I'm a tired and hungover recruiter?
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
