there r dinosaurs outside my house i hear them
pretty sure those are just snow plows....go back to bed
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
She tried deep frying a banana by placing one, unpeeled, into a toaster.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
I can tell just by looking at the wedding photos that the groom has hooked up with at least three of his groomsmen. I would feel bad for her except that she’s hooked up with two of the same ones.
Randomize
