His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
was it good sex?
i mean it was good for how drunk we were. and for how big the closet was
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
We're friends with benifits... The benifits being I'm fucking her boyfriend
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
