Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
My mom just asked me if I was gay in front of my gf
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
That's why we don't trade sex for Taco Bell. It's called the dollar menu.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
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