Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
She started calling me daddy on the second date and I don't know how to react to that
She said she didn't care that I was gay and wants to ride the fucking rainbow
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
