I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
Remember that time you came over to my house and I was on the porch naked and eating peanut butter?
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
Puked in my purse on my Uber ride home last night. Safe to say it's not a good idea to beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
