I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Soo....this goes on the list of odd coincidences. My gyno calls me while I'm going at it, leaves me a message. I check it later... thank God I tested negative.
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
God this is like a meg Ryan movie without the restaurant orgasms
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
