The more I hate his personality, the more I love his penis.
It's underwear night and I am literally in the bar wearing nothing but underwear and flip flops.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I have two stamps on my hand....ones from the bar and one is from an aquarium...care to explain?
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
I totally straight up jacked your pants. I am so sorry.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
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