He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
I'm too depressed to masturbate. This election is the worst.
You've hit rock bottom, swam around the ocean floor, and brought back silverware from the titanic.
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
I need to stop using "I went to the Harry Potter theme park" as my pickup line.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
