my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
love makes seman taste better
yeah that pretty much nipped itself in the bud when I realized i could see her whiteheads glowing in the blacklight
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
eating chex mix on the couch when he walks in naked and asks how he looks. are you shitting me.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
When I go to hand him the blunt and he's eating a cookie and responds with "let me hit this cookie"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
