You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I feel bad for the person that has to clean the dishes that I peed on last night.
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
my life is about to be the like the hunger games except with penises. and im going to win.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I got inside last night via doggy door
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
