Motor boating, judging by the amount of lipstick I found I would say between 6 to 8 times
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
You said you couldnt get the condom on but "its the thought that counts"
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
St Patricks day needs to be raged like youve never raged before. Like youre in the desert and it starts raining beer. Like it's the day the announced the 21st amendment (which is the one that ended prohibition)
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
The condoms have been found. I repeat: THE CONDOMS HAVE BEEN FOUND. he isn't a collector!!!
I'm glad that we laid to rest the suspicion that he was keeping them in a scrapbook. yayy
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