Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I AM A SEXUAL NIGHTMARE
These are the things that make me so grateful... that I slept with your sister instead.
Was picked up in the middle of a bar full of people...apparently I'm not tall enough to reach for drunken makeouts. I'm proud of myself.
Randomize
