Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
Would I do it again? Probably not but still,I don't regret a single ratchet thing I've done in college.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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