she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Your cum is still running out of me. I pity the next person that tries these jeans on....
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
No exaggeration. At the gas station she handed me the mop from over the counter and told me that's my last drink of the night
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
Randomize
