What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
