so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
Her gag reflex was as absent as a father figure must have been in her childhood
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Randomize
