It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
I wore sweatpants. When I show up to a booty call in sweatpants there's your warning
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
You called me to pick you up from the bar at 9:00. When we drove over the speed bumps you put your hands in the air and pretended you were on a roller coaster.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I figure even if it starts out as just sex I can bang him into loving me
5% want to drink juice and feel better, 95% just want to touch your butt
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
