he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I swear we were drugged last night
We had a 130$ tab bitch. We drugged ourselves.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
Randomize
