ugh. my friday night is playin' Farmville on my face. time to harvest the blackheads...
My entire childhood was an ugly sweater party
his pokemon pajamas? the fact that he was proud of the stretchmarks on his arms? or finding out he has a daughter that went to high school with us? ...you tell me what was the dealbreaker
she's not going to take you seriously with an empty 40 and a sombrero on your head.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
I just had a flashback to us shaking up Gatorade mix and then inhaling it in your kitchen because it was funny. Now I can't stop laughing in work because that is the stupidest shit.
Idk... he wears anklets.. i dont think i can get past that.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Ok. Yes. He has a tiny penis. But he also has a trust fund.
Randomize
