All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
Love me.
GO THE FUCK TO BED IT'S 3AM I AM NOT TAKING YOU TO MCDONALDS.
Just for one nugget?
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
Randomize
