Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Ended the weekend putting away 30 nuggets. Training for 100.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
He wore nothing but a Speedo and a tie to the party. It was great. Everyone was looking at him like "this kid's the best"
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Randomize