Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
I'm having a chugging contest on the streetcar. The driver is judging.
Plus someone just passed me a joint through the window. BEST STREETCAR RIDE EVER
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Nothing like a little " am I gonna shit myself " to spice up the work day
I'm starting to think my emotional health is declining because I was watching transformers today and legit almost started crying
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
Randomize
