Remember when the only STD we had to worry about were hickies? Those were the days
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
It was a "have 911 on speed dial" kinda night
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
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