Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
I'm shotgunning a 12 pack at a bus stop. This is why we pay the rent with an auto withdrawal at the beginning of the month
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
She walked up to me and whispered "I hope you're good at sex" and led me to the beach.
Randomize
