So we made editble underwear with fruit roll ups and fruit by the foot
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
They refer to his house as "the abortion clinic". Cant wait.
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
your cat followed me a mile away from your house. if it doesn't come back, i'm sorry, but I needed to get laid tonight.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
You should feel special! You're also the only person I've ever punched during sex
Randomize
