1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
Randomize
